Aliciatks.livejournal

Yesterday went out with kelly,marilyn,lee ping and janne. jia wei working didnt meet her. we went to far east,cine,heeren(find my fake boyfriend) realize that shop close down already. After that marilyn went club,due to some special event in zuok. a fashion show event. so tempted to go. But in the end i didnt go. went chilled out with azul until 1am. Asually accompany him till half way. then went home. enjoyed my day. took quite a number of photos. enjoyed =D

Things happened just so fast. omg. i cannot believe it. Till now i then realize that my parent dote me so much. Am i the youngest child in the house? How come all treat me so good? Am i worth treat so good? daddy and mummy,i really felt so touch that your treat me this way. Last time i am being so childish,fucker,dont know how to think. Serously i know i been disappointed your for all th times. No matter how many sorry i said also no used. Thing wont turn better yet thing kept repeating the same, things carrying on get back the same. Just like kept went back to the same spot. things kept repeating the same. I told your that i will change,i will studied hard. Whatever promises i made to your were just an empty promises. I AM SORRY! Sorry for being such an useless child in the family. Countless of times i told myself stop being blaming your for being biased,stop playing a fool. As i grow up,no longer a kid know how to manage and balance my life. Daddy and mummy i how wish i can tell you i love your,but i found out that too old fashion to said out. Your really treated me so good,yet i dont know how to treasure your. your are my parent for 19 years, yet I am being so rebelious all the time,making your angry all the times,fight and talk back. And i knew that your had already forgive me long time ago.  Daddy and mummy i really very very very guilty,i how wish your can understand how i feel right now. but i so hard to speak out. I want your to know,your are my best father and mother in the world. Your had never let us suffer, your will give all the best thing and stuffs to us first. I know i understand. I am so sorry!!!

Yesterday deleted some video i made for him and those pictures we took. Starting from last week incredible started again,omg! let me refresh back of something... omg! A guy that once cheer me up? Memories do stay,how wish i can deleted away. OMG! ramdomly i start to think back those stuffs again. *sign* BAD MEMORIES!!!!! I still remember everything so clearly. All so clearly, i knew that everything was not right,indeed i was not wrong. AT frist everything for us were so smoothe.. soon problem enter to our life. there not so simple taht only me and that guy.. thing start to become worst and worst.. The only thing i started to plan how should i leave him,i know now he need me the most. I knew he cant dont have me now.. i been thinking days aftert days.. cant really get to sleep that whole week. And his mum,his mum's friend,dad,his grandma? especial his mum friend, i knew it and their answer very clearly. She told me so much thing that he didnt know. As I didnt told that guy,i dont wanna pressure him. He too young to know and understand those stuffs. never mind,i kept quite all the way. There isnt a need for me to told him right? i know my decision was right and i was big enough to make up this decision. Very sudden! But i have no choice,if that guy put myself in my shoe. He will know what and understand.. I let you go! His mum's friend was right,i am a girl who dont know how to think. she was so right! I am so wrong,i can choose someone else,same age as me. And something i wasnt fit to be your girlfriend. here someone out there waiting for you. She wasnt wrong,and she even have the right to seperate us. We were so wrong to be together. we having age gap. Cause of me thing start to change, i am to be blame? but i have the right to make this choice. and i believe my choice wont be wrong. i choose to leave and walk away. No matter how dont bear i have to make up this choice. till that day, i Knew that we gonna met up for the very last time, i gave that guy a gift. i really hope he can remember who is alicia forever that. who is once in his life before. I am sorry! i cant tell you the truth. cause they want me to let you go. the only thing is to let you go,if not everything wont be solve.. Till now i never regret what i done,u must be more happier with your family.. wish that guy all the best =) 

 Another hand i been missing someone,but he just no time for me. Very very sad. He is TOO busy for his stuffs,trainning and competition. I also dont dare to contact him,scare he never reply me T_T
i believe when time come he will contact me back again. HEy!! you must know i am here okay! Dont forget who am i! MISSING YOU!!! DONT FORGET YOU SAID MEET UP SOON OKAY?! HAHAHA. will catch up with you lots of thing and gonna ask you lots of questions. faster contact me T_T i been waiting for you ok! hahaha
 

I been thinking alot for this couple of days.. Guess i gonna have depressing soon. went to malaysia on monday. It a sudden decision,sorry friend that give your a fright. sorry,that your cannot contact me on that day,because i cant recieve anything or any calls. sorry! And i am not missing in action. see i am back again. posting my livejournal. And sometime i been thinking. why should we need to grow up? why cant i be a kids,i just want to play at the playground and at the time of 6pm run back home and have my dinner with my family. i really dont wanna face so much thing. even if now at the age of nineteen,i can try aot of stuff. Watched M18 movie,went club,went pub,buy cig,went home late.. I am reached at the age that i can try everything,but i not happy at all. I found that each year the more older i grew i start to learn more thing,problems.. *sign*
I really wonder i can hide and run away from problem. i am really very scare.. i just want to run to someone dont know me. run away from problem. why problem problem. And that monday i visit my grandma,she seem so old,white hair all over.. and something i realize,she seldom smile,laugh. saw her smoke smoke smoke. guess she have her own reason. i how wish everything never had happen before. I am so afraid one day i might going to lose her. i am scare. she is old already. i so scare.. so scare.. i dont wish to face up  so much thing. i dont want,i am timid. i admit that,it fact  that i am scare. and till now i finally realize that alicia really grow up already. it been 19 years already.. and i start to know why that adult let me know so much things.. sometime they scolded me so much so that i know when i can handle things,hat was wrong what was right. I never know that my responsibilty in this house this family was so important. when i need to face now,really very hard for me to accept. how to make my grandma not to think so much,how to make her laugh,smile again. I felt that i am so useless,i cant make my grandma happy. i dont know what to do when she told me. i only sit down and listen to what she told me. ahmak i hope to see your smile again. everything will be fine ok. And you now are old already dont think so much. And We still here for you,come singapore more often ok? and now i know life isnt easy as what we think, seem so stress. what am i going to do when in few years time. GOSh~!!!
Now i dont think there a need for me to go and care those nonsense stuffs,everything i guess is fated to be. can i said i give up? but something i need you to know,how wish you were by my side now. i need you and you might not know. I even told and bluff to you that i dont need you,i dont miss you.. In my heart i how wish i can tell you the truth that you mean so much to me and i need you badly.. seriously i miss you lah~!!! arhhh!! i think i going mad soon...